Joyce Meyer Ministries: Asia

The EEL (Enjoying Everyday Life) team conducted a pilot study on a sample population of 300 church-going adolescents (12-20yrs) in Hyderabad and Secunderabad. A random sample survey was carried out among urban teenagers in youth fellowships and Sunday schools to evaluate their relationships with their parents in terms of time spent with the family, communication between parents and teens, and spiritual life at home.

The study revealed that on average, 73 per cent of parents never spoke to their teenagers about sex, puberty, or pornography. While only 20 per cent spoke about sex, only 17 per cent spoke about pornography and 23 per cent about puberty.

Have your parents ever talked to you about the following:
		*No - 73%*			Sex

		Yes - 20%

			*No -76%*		Pornography

				*Yes - 17%*

	*No - 70%*				Puberty

	*Yes - 23%*

Earlier studies by psychologists* discovered that teenagers of parents who openly discussed alcohol and sex with them were unlikely to have alcohol or sex-related problems in the future. When parents talk to children and are more aware of what they are doing, youth are safer and healthier.

This finding is significant because among 16- 20-year-olds in the study, 40 per cent browse the net “very often,” out of which half

are on the internet every day. Around 55 per cent of all the youth surveyed said they check the net either in their friends place or in internet parlors if they do not own a computer with internet access. A large majority of this group surfs the net in internet parlors. This is one reason why parents need to talk to their children and educate them about the ill-effects of pornography. They also need to be aware of their children’s whereabouts. A visit to the internet cafe frequented by your teenage son or daughter can tell if the systems they are using have any safety filters or not.

Whom do they share personal problems with?
Six out of every ten respondents cited they share their personal problems with their friends, while three out of every ten said they could share their problems with their parents. Around 87 per cent of the respondents cited that their parents knew all the friends they spent time with, which is an encouraging figure.

Only 49 per cent told the truth about their whereabouts, while 48 per cent admitted to lying about the same. Ten per cent of those who lied said they wanted to tell their parents, but were scared.

Every word matters!
When it comes to yelling at children when they do something wrong, most Indian parents do not give much importance to the words spoken in anger to their children. Many even assume that the children should understand they need not take such words to heart, but the details in which the teenagers have written down the words used when their parents yell at them proves them wrong. It is surprising to note that Christian parents use demeaning language and call their young teenage boys and girls names and use degrading labels.

Around 50 per cent have written words such as “useless,” “good for nothing,” “hopeless” and
“waste,” and some said their parents used foul language as well. Just a handful complained of bad behavior of parents. The child hears these hurtful words as subtle and not-so-subtle rejection and it sends them a message, “You are not worth it, not capable, I can’t trust you.” Especially during the adolescent years, parents need to be careful that every word they speak edifies (Eph 4:29) their children and does not diminish their self image.

However, some parents got it right as they used statements which showed discipline in the context of unconditional love. It might be heart warming to know the majority of the teenagers have cited one of the things they like best about their parents is how they discipline, correct and guide them to do the right thing.

Teens might react when they are corrected or rebuked, but deep down they develop respect for parents who discipline them. Though many have said they dislike “scolding” from their parents, the same have expressed one of the things they like about their parents was their godly teaching.

Spending time with family
Nothing can compensate for spending time with your teenage son or daughter. This means not just in family prayer at home or in checking their homework, but also just taking them out for family time. Sixteen percent of teens said they go out with their parents once a week, 16 per cent go out once a month, and 48 per cent said they went out as a family on special occasions or a few times a year. It has been observed in the findings that parents who take their children out more often, coupled with regular family prayer and discussions, have better communication with their teens. For instance 75 respondents said they go out with their families very few times in a year. Out of these, 22 families have regular discussions or Bible studies, while 18 have this exchange with their families only sometimes.

Forty-six families participate in daily family prayers. Though family prayers were on a daily or weekly basis in a majority of the families, still, there are communication problems. Forty six out of 75 said they could share their personal problems with friends rather than parents, and 22 respondents said they prefer talking to siblings and others.

They hate strife between parents
Someone rightly said, “The best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother.” In response to what they disliked about their parents the most, many said constant fights between parents, and some said they did not like the father being insensitive and short-tempered most of the time, nagging continuously, shouting in a loud voice, and comparing siblings, scolding in front of others/friends, were some of the other things they disliked, which also included over-protectiveness. Many children feel their parents misunderstand them. One girl said, “My parents don’t come together to worship.”

Comparing a child with others or their siblings can make the teenager more rebellious and resentful. Most adolescents get very upset when they are ridiculed and they remember it for a long time.

Some things that they love about their parents
Teenagers are people too! Their exterior dressing, lifestyle, and the attitude they wear might lead us to misunderstand them, but they love their parents and respect them even though they might not be able to show it. Topping the list of things they love about their parents are: love and care, teaching and guidance, providence, supportive nature, helpful, always available and unity between husband and wife. One teenager put it this way, “The fact that they are still madly in love with each other is cool.” Also, some expressed they love their parents for teaching them about God.